Day 20: A blessing in disguise

It is 20 October 2014 and I am fine. I don’t even feel like crying or running away.

I didn’t think that I would survive 20 October 2013. For me it felt as if the world would end on that day. I was agonizing about this day for  weeks before the day. When it arrived everything was normal. The world didn’t end. The sun rose. Life went on.

20 October 2013 was the one year anniversary of my D&C. I was 8 weeks pregnant but it as a blighted ovum. When we found out that we were going to have a baby it was very exciting and unexpected.

17 October 2012

I went to the doctor for my 8 week checkup. There is only an almost empty sack on the sonar. The Doctor tells me it might be a blighted ovum but I must come back on 20 October  at 7 Am and then if there is no heartbeat he would have to do a D&C.

18-19 October 2012

We pray a lot and I negotiated a lot with God. It was two of the most intense days of my life.

20 October 2012

7 AM the doctor says that it is definitely a blighted ovum and he needs to do a D&C.   I was crying so much as they took me into theater that I had to hold my breath just to get anesthesia.

This event in my life taught me so much. Firstly it opened my eyes to women all around me that have experienced miscarriage and how it effects their daily lives. I was never even aware of this “world”. When I share my story a lot of women replies that it has happened to them too. Some have recovered and some haven’t. This have created a lot of ministry opportunities for me to share the love of Jesus. When I was at University we had long debates about when life starts etc. Today I know that it starts from the first seconds.

On this day 20 October 2014 I feel better than 20 October 2013. I still feel sad when I think about the baby that was never born. The one that I never knew but I know that he or she is safe with Jesus.  At least I don’t think the world is going to end because of this anymore. But I do remember the events sometimes at the weirdest of times like for example when I had to have the operation on my arm I remembered those moments when I went into theater that moment so vividly that I started crying. That was the last flashback I had of this events.

I see it now as a blessing because I could take care of a baby for a few weeks. I also see it as a blessing because I can have more empathy with the women around me.

Thanks for reading this. I needed to record this event in my life.

Stay blessed!



This post is part of the 31 days of 5 minute free writes challenge.

Please click here for a list of posts about Blessings. Please like my Facebook page to stay informed.

31 Blessings

Published by

Amanda Calitz

Very creative. Happily married. Living on a plot with my husband and two dogs. Loving life.

15 thoughts on “Day 20: A blessing in disguise”

  1. I have had a misscarrage too, so know how you feel/ felt. I do know my child’s soul went to be with our Lord and I will see him/her one day. It is exciting to know God had a plan for these babies to be with Him, but when it happens, you feel so utterly empty.


  2. It is never “easy” to lose a loved one…but one that you haven’t yet been able to meet…I think must be such a difficult thing. And to open up and share that story must have really taken much courage. Thank you for doing just that, Amanda. I cannot say “I know how you feel” yet I too have an “anniversary” of sorts that I think about on a particular date…Sept. 16th, 1998. A long time ago and as time goes by, I barely think about that date…BUT, it is nothing like the loss of a child. You are in my prayers for comfort.


  3. Dear Amanda, I’m so sorry you suffered the grief of losing a precious, hoped for child. Thank you for sharing your deepest and most painful feelings, your post will be a blessing to others. You have found a way to find some beauty and hope in the midst of your sorrow, what an inspiration you are.
    Prayers for you and your family.


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