We as family and friends have been climbing all year and we reached the peak last Wednesday morning 14 October 2015 at 00:15 am when my dearest Mom went to meet her Savoir.
It was a journey full of ups and downs and I’ve learnt a lot about myself, God and the people surrounding me. I will share this with you in the coming days and weeks. Maybe a lot or maybe a little bit at a time. I really wanted to take part in the 31 Days this year but everything was just too hard. You’ll all “read” me in 2016 hopefully! Keep up the good writing and I enjoy “reading” all of you!
It is 20 October 2014 and I am fine. I don’t even feel like crying or running away.
I didn’t think that I would survive 20 October 2013. For me it felt as if the world would end on that day. I was agonizing about this day for weeks before the day. When it arrived everything was normal. The world didn’t end. The sun rose. Life went on.
20 October 2013 was the one year anniversary of my D&C. I was 8 weeks pregnant but it as a blighted ovum. When we found out that we were going to have a baby it was very exciting and unexpected.
17 October 2012
I went to the doctor for my 8 week checkup. There is only an almost empty sack on the sonar. The Doctor tells me it might be a blighted ovum but I must come back on 20 October at 7 Am and then if there is no heartbeat he would have to do a D&C.
18-19 October 2012
We pray a lot and I negotiated a lot with God. It was two of the most intense days of my life.
20 October 2012
7 AM the doctor says that it is definitely a blighted ovum and he needs to do a D&C. I was crying so much as they took me into theater that I had to hold my breath just to get anesthesia.
This event in my life taught me so much. Firstly it opened my eyes to women all around me that have experienced miscarriage and how it effects their daily lives. I was never even aware of this “world”. When I share my story a lot of women replies that it has happened to them too. Some have recovered and some haven’t. This have created a lot of ministry opportunities for me to share the love of Jesus. When I was at University we had long debates about when life starts etc. Today I know that it starts from the first seconds.
On this day 20 October 2014 I feel better than 20 October 2013. I still feel sad when I think about the baby that was never born. The one that I never knew but I know that he or she is safe with Jesus. At least I don’t think the world is going to end because of this anymore. But I do remember the events sometimes at the weirdest of times like for example when I had to have the operation on my arm I remembered those moments when I went into theater that moment so vividly that I started crying. That was the last flashback I had of this events.
I see it now as a blessing because I could take care of a baby for a few weeks. I also see it as a blessing because I can have more empathy with the women around me.
Thanks for reading this. I needed to record this event in my life.
I am amazed to see how God can take something or someone that is broken to help other people and to change mourning into dancing for the benefit of others. I’ve been through some rough patches in my life and now when I see someone else going through the same thing I know what to pray for.
Maybe you feel broken and down today and feel that God cannot use you. Let me tell you He can and He will. He knows that we are only dust and clay He will send a rainbow! He has a purpose for your life.
After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone.
Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.
“This, then, is how you should pray: “‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.’
At that time Jesus said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure.
One of those days Jesus went out to a mountainside to pray, and spent the night praying to God.
But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.”
He withdrew about a stone’s throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.
Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.
So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me.”
Blessing #12 No matter what happens He will make something good out of it.
It happened in a split second. I was busy. And late. 1000 things on my mind. As usual. Then my foot got stuck. I realized I’m going to fall forward. I don’t want to fall on my face. Let me extend my arm. Maybe not. It’s too late.
I fell forward on my extended left arm on concrete. Now I’m lying there. Unable to get up. Dead from my left shoulder downwards.
I’m lying there on the concrete. Splat. Unable to get up and it feels like EVERYONE is there. Watching and wondering. Talk about a MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT. They say my arm looks pretty bad. It seems like it is in an unnatural position I hear them say. I don’t care I just wish they would all go away and stop staring. I know they mean well but this is embarrassing. While I’m lying there waiting for the paramedics I phone my dearest husband.
“You need to come please. I fell”
I kinda hear the groan on the other side. I fall quite often but this was a fall to remember I presumed.
“No this time it’s pretty bad.” I tell him.
“Okay I’m coming” he said.
Finally they get me up and in the school’s sick room and my husband and the paramedics came. There is a big knob above my elbow and it is VERY sore.
The paramedic and my husband take me to casualty.
Falling so hard that you need to end up in casualty is that even possible? I thought.
After very painful X-rays it is determined that I need a radial head replacement and the doctor did the operation that very same night.Here is the x-ray of my arm.
Thus a long road to recovery started. I felt a great sense of loss and discouragement.
I am left handed and being creative is a way for me to get rid of stress. Now here I am:
I cannot get dressed on my own.
I cannot paint, crochet or knit.
I cannot work in the garden.
I cannot comb my hair.
I cannot cook.
I cannot write.
I cannot wash the dishes. (and how I longed to be able to do that-strangely)
It was dark moments until I realized:
use my right hand
read my Bible
I can be positive.
The decision to be positive changed my whole perspective and it’s helped me a lot. I’ve had another operation up to date and there might be another one waiting. I will never be able to straighten my left arm again but I can write, crochet and be creative again. (I can even wash the dishes lol) There is still a long road ahead but I can do it with the love of God, my husband and family.
God took this event to teach me a few things:
He is in control.
He will never leave you. (Ps 23)
Stay positive and look up to Him.
It has strengthened the bond between my husband and I.
It has made me a stronger person.
I hope that my story has encouraged you in some way and that you know that no matter where you are God is still in control and with you.
Please feel free to leave your comments as I would love to hear from you,
I am very privileged as I grew up in a Christian home. My parents made a lot of effort to introduce my brother and sister and me to Jesus. My father was a minister so one would assume that all of his children would be “instant Christians.” It helped that we had the Bible and prayers from an early age each one of us had to find our own way. My mother and grandmother where always praying for us.
My story is way too long to write everything down here. I’ll share it at a later stage but for now I’d like to share the following that I’ve learnt in my life: